Most of us have goals and dreams that are larger than life. We put in all the energy and zest we possess to make our dreams come alive.

Along the way, we face various challenges and difficulties which block us and we could face failure. As we get along we learn from our mistakes become wiser and start working towards our destination with a rekindled energy and zest.

However, through this experience, I’ve realized that sometimes what holds me back are the different parts of self which are present within me and aren’t external.

We all have different deep-rooted parts of ourselves which came to life through our very own personal journey and they tend to become rigid and concrete.

It’s important to see these parts as separate from us and understand their origin and role.

One such part of me is “Invisible Jasmine.”

Let me introduce you to her. She came into my life when I was in the third standard. I was very scared of separation from my parents and very anxious as a child. I wasn’t able to perform well in class and would compare myself with others; this triggered me deeply and I felt inadequate and a strong sense of low self-esteem and self-worth overpowered me.

That’s when “Invisible Jasmine“ was born. She’s a part of me; she told me, “Jasmine, you’re not good enough. You need to do better.

“Invisible Jasmine” is a well-wisher and has been my companion since I was seven years old

She has never let me rest because she doesn’t want me to feel weak and helpless. She keeps reminding me that I’m not good enough so I can constantly get better.

I recently had a conversation with “Invisible Jasmine” in a Psychodrama workshop conducted by Steve and Karen. I told her that I’m very grateful for the role she has played in my life and has constantly motivated me to get better.

I also told her, I would like her to slightly modify the role she plays; as the role she’s playing isn’t serving me any longer.

I would like to give myself some allowance, enjoy my accomplishments and acknowledge myself much more. I told her that my reality has changed and now I’m confident and completely in charge of myself and my emotions.

However, before this realization, over the last 10 years, I’ve been very angry with this part of mine and wanted to always get rid of her.

I started despising her as she constantly told me that I was not good enough.

I didn’t respect her presence and acknowledge what she did for me.

I tried very hard, so she could leave and I could be free of this feeling of not being good enough.

However, today I have learnt that “Invisible Jasmine” is a very important part of me and she’s not somebody I can cut and throw off. We can’t get rid of our parts. I need to speak with her, educate her about how I would like her to behave, set a boundary if required, and explain my new reality.

* If you would like to do this for yourselves, could follow the steps below:

Firstly, ask yourself what are those inflexible parts and label them with an adjective and noun. It’s important to name the inflexible part and do this one at a time.

You can then speak with the inflexible part and have a conversation and ask the inflexible part a bunch of questions:

While speaking always use the name.

What’s the most important thing to you?

Who did you learn your style from?

When did you make your first appearance in Jasmine’s life?

What was happening in his/her life that she needed you?

What are you most scared of?

What emotions/feelings does your presence keep Jasmine from experiencing?

What are you most proud of?

What would it take for you to be a bit more flexible?

This is a deep dive into understanding your inflexible part and seeing it as a separate entity.

Finally, the last part of the exercise is to communicate with your inflexible part and inform them; how you would like them to redefine their role in your life and thank them for being a fellow traveller with you.

This is a powerful tool of acceptance and gratitude.

Once we’re able to do this with all our parts it would enable us to become the best versions of ourselves as this is total acceptance of self.

This is true for our relationships external to us as well. To speak, explain and relook at boundaries. However, when we just cut off it’s like forcibly cutting a part of ourselves which is nothing but torture and suffering.

* Based on Gay and Katie Hendricks book and Julie Colwell Persona Interview