Dealing with human emotions such as pain, sadness, trauma, healing, forgiveness, and so on is a bit complicated; there isn’t any linear path or formula to solve these equations. The more you try to solve it in a linear fashion it only enhances the pain and makes it suffer.

This raises the question… If it’s not linear, then what exactly are the steps? What is the road map?

 

The First Step

I’ve been on this journey for about 15 years and I’m still learning. It’s like looking for a hidden treasure while you don’t have a clue about where to begin! Let me tell you the first step- to realize that something is missing.

This realization slowly grows and becomes like a volcano burning within you, and the only way out is to look for the answer and find it. The journey now begins!

My very first realization on this tour is that it has nothing to do with people or situations from the outside but, instead, it’s a journey with the self.

In one of the process work sessions I was attending, a co-participant shared a difficult incident from her personal life, and she stated that no one stood up and supported her when she was in that difficulty, including her immediate family.

In response, one of the facilitators gave a beautiful analogy from the Mahabharata. While Draupadi was being disrobed and was screaming and shouting for help, no one – neither the people from the esteemed crowd nor her husbands – stood up to protect her. Finally, she had to reach out to her Krishna.

All of us have access to our very own Krishna; all we need to do is reach out. This was an integral learning for me. You’re a solo traveler and you need to do this all by yourself. The truth is that no one can really travel this path with you.

 

My Personal Journey With Pain

About two years back I got divorced. It was a marriage of twenty-four years. During this phase, both my children were out of home and I was living alone. This incident made me experience pain like I had never experienced before and at many moments I felt that I may not get through this alive.

On days that I wasn’t travelling for work, after spending the day at the office when I got back home in the evening, I wasn’t able to enter the house. I would feel a deep pain as soon as I would step inside. The home was a strong anchor and brought back a host of memories, each of them felt real, alive, and present.

 

How Did I Cope With It?

So how did I cope with this? My method was simple. I used to go to Starbucks after work. I used to sit and work some more till 9 pm and then head home. This worked well for me. I put all my energy, including the energy gathered by the pain, into my work. This made me come alive as I was creating something new and channelizing the pain to create something valuable.

Apart from work, I attended different learning labs like the Yoga sutra, the Ramayana lab, Psychodrama along with practising my kriya yoga and hata yoga very diligently. All these activities worked like a balm on my wound and helped me find answers to all the knots in my head. I thoroughly enjoyed the reflective space, and it slowly and steadily gave me clues to find my hidden treasure. It helped me feel a deep sense of reliance on myself.

On weekends I used to coach my team and do a lot of voluntary coaching.

 

What Happened During The Lockdown?

Then the lockdown happened. I was locked in alone at home and everything had come to a stop, including work. I wasn’t sure what the road ahead looked like; everything was uncertain.

What I noticed during the lockdown was that I was doing well and the pain of being alone at home had gone. Those three months, I was locked in alone were the most beautiful three months of my life. I truly enjoyed my own company and felt a sense of pure joy. It almost felt like a new birth!

The point I’m trying to make here is that, I wasn’t aware of how the healing happened. I kept doing my daily practice of yoga, attending different reflective and contemplative spaces of learning, and bringing all of this to my work. The process was very subtle and slow and wasn’t in my conscious awareness. The lockdown helped me realize that I had truly travelled a good distance.

So how did this happen to me?

The pain and ignorance were so high when the divorce happened that these steps came very naturally to me. Post this experience I realized that it’s important to focus on the process and not on the outcome. The result will eventually fall into your lap if the process is followed with discipline.

 

How To Deal With Pain?

Here are some thoughts to ponder on:

When you feel strongly and are reactive, always ask yourself “What’s my trigger and what’s the location I’m operating from?” Watch the entire scene play out and observe the drama as a witness. Trust your body to make choices for you. Keep asking yourself “What am I doing and why?”

Doing this made a paradigm shift in my life, and today, any obstacle that comes my way only brings out the best in me.

Although the journey is extremely difficult, the destination is a miracle!

The miracle of experiencing life! We only live once so it’s important to experience it and not play safe and just let it pass by.